Body language as a concept cannot be easily understood from a viewpoint of a layman. It goes beyond just emphasizing a message echoed verbally; it also communicates an entirely new message on its own. This means that everything that has to do with communication is conjoined with body language. More often than not, when we struggle with our feelings, it leads to more suffering.
There are many crucial reasons why you should always allow yourself to process and experience your true feelings. According to an expert, Rollin (2016), when you numb sadness, you also numb happiness and joy. The reality is that you cannot selectively numb emotions. Using negative behaviors to avoid your feelings may help you experience less sadness and anger, but they also stop you from feeling happiness and joy. Part of the amazing things about being human is that we are able to have a range of emotions. Experiencing sadness and hurt is part of what makes it so incredible to feel joy and happiness. All these feelings can also be made known through the way we carry ourselves. Being sad is not the problem but maintaining a saddening look at all times becomes an issue. Think of your feelings as waves in the ocean. They come and go, rise and fall. No feeling lasts forever; anger and sadness are necessary, helpful parts of the human experience. Additionally, all of our emotions contain gifts and help us grow as people (Rollin, 2016).
As said earlier, struggling with your emotions often leads to more suffering. Trying to fight our feelings often leads to more suffering. Using negative behaviors to try to numb our feelings is akin to putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. They might make you feel better temporarily, but these behaviors do not “fix” the underlying problem. Further, using negative coping strategies to numb emotions causes people to feel even worse in the long term. Rather than trying to suppress your feelings, work to be a mindful observer of them. Notice the emotions that you experience and where you feel them in your body. Then, try to cultivate a curious and nonjudgmental stance. Our emotions are often messengers which signal something important that we need to pay attention to. Let’s say that you see a friend pursuing their life-long dream of writing a book and you are filled with jealously. If you take a moment to get curious about what this emotion might be telling you, you may discover that you too are passionate about the pursuit of writing. Or perhaps you are filled with anger and resentment towards a partner. Often feelings of resentment are the result of someone not respecting your boundaries, or an indication that you are not effectively communicating your needs (Rollin, 2016).
Finally on this, when you process and experience your feelings, it is part of having a full life. Anyone in the throes of an eating disorder, addiction, workaholism, or sex addiction can tell you (if you have anyone of them around) that constantly trying to run from your emotions is exhausting. When you are focused on numbing your feelings rather than processing them and using healthy coping strategies, you prevent yourself from living a full and meaningful life. Hurt, frustration, pain, sadness, and anger are all natural and healthy parts of the human experience. When we try to suppress these emotions, we are unable to thrive. Part of having a full life is feeling all of your emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant. It is beaming with joy, and feeling like your heart is full of gratitude during some moments; it is also experiencing heartbreak and disappointment, and truly letting yourself sit with these feelings (Rollin, 2016).
An integral component of being able to cope with emotions is the practice of self-compassion, which is simply treating and responding to yourself the way you would a loved one who was sad or struggling. You deserve to extend to yourself the same kindness that you would to others that you love. Beating yourself up for feeling sad, anxious, or scared often serves to make you feel even worse. Instead, work to say kind and gentle things to yourself and engage in compassionate acts of self-care. Experiencing your emotions and being vulnerable with the people that you trust is a sign of true strength, not a weakness. Ultimately, the way to heal and move through painful experiences is to let yourself feel. You can do this by writing in a journal, through artwork, talking to a friend, or seeking help from a therapist—there are so many healthy ways to process your emotions.
Of course there are times (i.e. if you are at work or school) when it is not always feasible to process your feelings in the moment, which is when you can employ healthy distraction or coping strategies. Later, it is still important to process your feelings when you are in a better place to do so. Ultimately, you deserve to let yourself experience all of your emotions, and to treat yourself with kindness and care (Rollin, 2016). When you truly experience your feelings without suppressing anything, it makes it easy for people to understand your emotions through your body language. This is because the body resonates the message of the heart anytime it is being felt.
A powerful tool in expressing and recognizing emotions has been posture and the body language portrayed through the posture can function as a wealthy resource of information that can expose goals, intentions and emotions (Kana & Travers, 2012). A sunken body shape is suggestive of depression, while an intensifying posture indicates authority and strength (Levy & Duke, 2003). Strong, swift movements are related to aggression, horizontal movement patterns of the arms imply communication whereas vertical movement patterns refer to giving a presentation (Levy & Duke, 2003). Inner characteristics of a person can be interpreted through the way a person stands or moves; the creative thinker may move around the room to help thought processes and keep ideas flowing, the person which stands securely on the ground and conveys strength and determination in walking, may be seen as a pragmatic individual (Mattsson&Mattsson, 2002).
References
Kana, R.K & Travers, B. G. (2012).Neural substrates of interpreting actions and emotions from body postures. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7, 446 – 456
Levy, J. A., & Duke, M.P. (2003). The use of Laban Movement Analysis on the study of personality, emotional state and movement style: An exploratory investigation of the veridicality of “body language”. Individual Differences Research, 1(1), 39 – 63
Mattsson, B., &Mattsson, M. (2002). The concept of “psychosomatic” in general practice Reflections on body language and a tentative model of understanding Scandinavian Journal Primary Health Care ,20, 135 – 138
Rollin, J (2016). 3 Reasons to Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-musings/201611/3-reasons-let-yourself-feel-your-emotions
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