At a point or the other, we have all been hurt and we had no option other than covering up our emotions. The reason being that we did not want to celebrate our pains or tell people around where it would be magnified. Hence, this is the reason for covering up an emotional pain. There are many different reasons that we may endeavor to hide, or disguise, the emotional pain that comes in the wake of negative beliefs about ourselves evoked by a particular person or situation. But what they have in common is that they’re all fear-induced (Seltzer, 2011).
Perhaps paramount among our tendencies to conceal our emotional fragility from others is the fear that exposing it would make us look weak to them—and, indeed, make us feel weak and powerless ourselves. We assume that frankly disclosing our hurt feelings would betray our susceptibility to them–and thus define ourselves as “one down” in the relationship, with all that might imply about placing them in a position to exploit us, or take advantage of us. It’s as though in “exhibiting” our hurt we’re forfeiting our personal power, relinquishing it to them to use over us in any way they deem fit (Seltzer, 2011).
It is often said that women show how they feel and men keep their feelings to themselves. And this is surely going to apply to some men and women, but not all of them. It is simply a generalization and one that allows people to navigate their world more easily.
One reason why it is this way is due to the role that each gender has played for so long. Being a woman has meant that one is allowed to reveal how they feel and this is normal. Where as being a man has meant that one needs to hide their emotions and this is what is normal (Cooper, 2018).
A woman is often expected to look weak and vulnerable, but a man is often expected to appear strong and capable. And when this doesn’t happen, a woman can be seen as not being a women and man can be seen as not being a man.
But as both genders have emotions; these roles have created problems. So while a woman needs to know that it is acceptable for her to embrace her strength; a man needs to know that it is acceptable for him to embrace his vulnerability (Cooper, 2018).
Independent of our early experiences, most of us are concerned that revealing hurt feelings might lead others to react negatively. And we certainly don’t want to risk turning anyone off by such “displays” of vulnerability. Nor do we wish to be viewed as childish–or, at worst, pathetic–because, seemingly at least, we’ve lost control over our emotions. (As a caveat, however, I should add that it does make sense–and at times may be imperative–to avoid exposing emotional vulnerability in various professional situations) (Seltzer, 2011).
And then there’s the fear that fully releasing our emotional pain might make us look ridiculous, or in some way abnormal. What if others don’t–or can’t–understand why we’re in such pain, or grasp its magnitude? Will we not look foolish to have unconstrained-ly let out our feelings? At the very least we might feel awkward and embarrassed, concerned that our uninhibited “emoting” might lead others to take us less seriously than they might have otherwise. We certainly don’t want to be perceived as over-reactive, and so have our feelings discounted or dismissed (Seltzer, 2011).
Radwan (2018) in his article shares some three fantastic ways in which emotions can be hidden. They are:
Prevent them from being triggered: This might sound like a weird advice, After all if someone can prevent his emotions from being triggered then life would have been much easier. In fact you can prevent your unwanted emotions from being triggered by preventing the self talk phrases that trigger them. Hiding your emotions is not only about experiencing them then trying to hide them but it also involves preventing them from appearing (Radwan, 2018).
Provide more options: Your subconscious mind will always chose the best option available in each situation. If someone annoyed you and your subconscious mind found no options other than anger then it will make you feel angry as it will think that anger is the best option. If you learned assertiveness for example then the next time the same situation happens your subconscious mind will have two options and it might not make you feel angry (Radwan, 2018).
Learn body language: Most of your emotions are revealed through your body language. If you learn body language well you will be able to hide most of your unwanted emotions. After all even if you experienced an emotion people won’t notice it unless you send it to them in the form of a body language gesture. One of the perfect ways you can use to hide your emotions is to learn body language. Body language serves as the potent means through which people’s emotions are either suppressed or expressed (Radwan, 2018).
Here are few nonverbal signs of emotions. Anger is as a result of disappointment of frustration. The neck or face of the person becomes flushed, clenched fists, use of power body language, aggressive body language, invasion of personal space and leaning forward and barring of teeth and snarling (Changing Minds, 2018).
Knowing the bad emotional behaviors can always help you in suppressing them anytime you see the traces of it. On posture, the way people stand or sit can reveal a lot about how they feel. A nervous person will fidget with their hands, tap their feet like a dancer, or drum the table top with their fingers. Someone seated on a chair with legs crossed at the ankle may show that he or she is relaxed and confident. A depressed person will have drooped shoulders and eyes focused on the ground as if looking for lost coins. A person can show great interest in what the speaker is saying by leaning forward in the chair and looking intently at the speaker (Teik, 2018).
References
Cooper, O (2018). Emotions: Why Do Some People Hide Their Emotions? Retrieved from https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/emotions-why-do-some-people-hide-their-emotions
Radwan, F (2018). How to Hide Your Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.2knowmyself.com/how_to_hide_your_emotions
Seltzer, L (2011). Why We Hide Emotional Pain. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201109/why-we-hide-emotional-pain
Teik, T (2018). Learn to Suppress your Body Language to Hide your Inner Thoughts. Retrieved from https://m360.sim.edu.sg/article/pages/Body-Language-to-hide-Your-Inner-Thoughts.aspx
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