Let me just begin by emphatically answering the question asked in the title—YES! Silence is surely a body language technique which looks very dreaded to people who don’t know how to maximize it in a conversation. When we have a conversation, sometimes a silence drops. And it always has a meaning, even when nothing is said. We can skip words and complete sentences and still know what isn’t said. So it’s not remarkable that there are a lot of silences, and all with different meanings (Jorma, 2011). Sometimes a silence can be a replacement for a whole sentence. Here is an example you might recognize:
At a given day at work you’re going towards an important deadline. Then a colleague steps in, but you’re not in the mood for him right now. He asks if he is interrupting. You don’t say anything and just continue typing, without even looking up. He looks at you for a few seconds, and then leaves your office again.
It’s not very polite not to answer a question, so if you read between the lines here, you see a small argument, but with the use of a silence. You use the silence against your colleague, like you are saying: ‘Leave me alone, can’t you see I am busy?’ The colleague that walks in expects an answer from you when he asks a question. But instead of that, you just ignore him. So nothing is said in this example, but still your colleague knows the meaning of this silence (Jorma, 2011). Having said that, here are few instances of silences in conversation and what they connote:
The Expressive Silence: In situations where power is used to express the difference in positions, like at work, we see the expressive silence in conversations or in a class at school, where the teacher stands before the class being silent. He does this just to make clear who’s in charge. Or he tries to get attention, using his position as a teacher and the silence he drops as a tool of his power. But it can happen the other way around, when a student doesn’t want to listen to his teacher. The teacher asks him a question, but instead of answering him, which would be considered normal in this situation, he says nothing. For the teacher this can be a very awkward situation, since the student’s silence is undermining his power at that moment (Jorma, 2011).
The Inviting Silence: This is use of silence we are all aware of. When you ask a question, you drop a silence, because you expect an answer. But you can use it as a very effective tool as well. In therapy for example, a therapist often uses this just to get more information. Someone asks you a question. For example: ‘How war your day?’ Often we counter this question with ‘Well, it was ok, nothing special’. When you answered, you expect the conversation to move on. But if the person that asks you this question says nothing, and just keeps looking at you, you don’t feel at ease. Or at least it’s not according to plan. You expect to move on, another question being asked, but not a silence. So often you pick it up again and continue talking. And then more information comes out. Maybe it wasn’t a normal day at all, but you had a discussion with your chef at work, something you didn’t want to talk about in the first place, but the silence dropped, and that was kind of inviting to keep talking (Jorma, 2011).
The Reconciling Silence: The longer people know each other, the more silence can be dropped in their conversations. Usually people think that talking is the best way to show you want to keep a relation healthy, and silence is used to break a relation or that it is ending. And the silences can be a good indicator to estimate the value of a relation. If you just met a person, let’s say you date for the second time with a girl, and the silences that drop feel ‘good’ it is an indicator you feel well with that person around you. If you for example meet with some colleagues, often the conversation is kept going, to avoid the ‘painfull’ silences. Here you will the urge to keep the conversation going, while being with a person you really like, it doesn’t matter if a silence falls in a conversation. Staying silent can be a good instrument to avoid an escalation of conflicts. Words that aren’t being spoken can do no harm (Jorma, 2011).
With the points enumerated above, you would have seen reasons to make use of silences in your communication. Here are three reasons you should consider making use of silence:
It helps to communicate better: Many of us talk too much. All of us occasionally can be guilty of over-talking a subject to the extent that our point is missed. Silence forces us to shut up and get our message across in fewer words. Ironically, fewer words can result in a clearer, stronger message (Smith, 2018).
It communicates what is really being said: Keeping our tongue quiet frees us up to listen to our partner. When we’re not running off at the mouth, we can focus on what the other person is saying, plus pay attention to their nonverbal communication (Smith, 2018).
It helps to reach solutions faster: The goal of communication should be to share information and reach a decision, not to win. Being silent at times not only reduces the noise but also speeds up resolution (Smith, 2018).
It’s important to keep in mind that silence can be misused, too. Some people use it to express anger; others to hurt or punish their partner. It’s commonly used in abusive relationships. But silence can be used for good as well as bad. So don’t let any negative experiences with silence keep you from using one of the best forms of communication (Smith, 2018).
The use of silence varies across cultures. Edward T. Hall, the eminent anthropologist and author of The Silent Language, was among the first to help the general reader to understand the wide spectrum of nonverbal communication in various cultures. He showed us, for example, that U.S. and British societies are word-cultures while many other societies in the world rely more open non-verbal cues and signs – including silence (Ekroth, 2012).
References
Ekroth, L (2012). Golden Silence and Leaden Silence. Retrieved from https://www.conversationmatters.com/articles/bestuse/golden.html
Jorma (2011). A Silence Can Say A Lot. Retrieved from http://www.bodylanguagefordummies.com/silence-can-say-alot
Smith, K (2018). Silence: The Secret Communication Tool. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/silence-the-secret-communication-tool/
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