There are many people who consider themselves “experts” in the field of analyzing the behavior of others. I am not referring to psychologists and other scholars in the field but those who have only watched detective movies and think they are “naturals” in reading anyone who comes their way. I’m sure you know someone like that: someone who will describe in detail all the personal history of someone by looking at him for quick 10 seconds. Someone who will comment in your ears that “this guy is X” based on the fact that he stood in some way. In short – they’re the reincarnation of Sherlock Holmes himself. These fellows are the “true calibers” in this field and we can’t compete or argue with them (SBL, 2018). However, what I am about to share in this piece is not meant for them. This is a science-backed guide for anyone who cares to learn systemic way of reading others.
The first thing you need to understand about nonverbal communication is the fact that this is not an exact science. We’re talking about feelings and thoughts expressed through our body and voice – things that are really hard to measure. So making firm decisions, generalizing information, and judging others by it, is wrong (SBL, 2018). Body language provides an amazing amount of information on what other people are thinking if you know what to look for. Not knowing what to look for has always been the problem of many.
Before digging deep, let me state it out clearly that body language should always be read in clusters. Think for a second about body language as a regular verbal language. You got single words that when put together – create a sentence that delivers a meaningful message. In body language we substitute the words for non-verbal cues such as: facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, voice, personal space and posture. While individually, these “words”, may give you the general idea about the mood or personality of whom you observe, it’s very hard and wrong to assume anything based on that single clue. That’s why you need to seek additional clues, additional “words” tocomplete the whole sentence and finish the puzzle. For instance, let’s say you got the impression that a certain woman you’re observing is interested in you. Why? Because you observed her playing with her hair, and you read that it’s a signal for playfulness and attraction. But is it enough to solely rely on that single sign? The answer is an emphatic NO. While your assumption might be correct it’s not enough to go “all-in”. How her body is positioned? What gestures does she make? Is she leaning forward? Is she giving you a sideways glance? You can run through your head many other questions before deciding what the most probable interpretation is. If you wish to become an accurate “reader” you must train yourself to look for a lot of signals. Don’t assume anything from just one sign, otherwise you’re just being prejudice, be smarter than that. (SBL, 2018).
Let’s take the eye behavior as an instance. Eye behavior can be very telling. When communicating with someone, pay attention to whether he or she makes direct eye contact or looks away. Inability to make direct eye contact can indicate boredom, disinterest, or even deceit – especially when someone looks away and to the side. If a person looks down, on the other hand, it often indicates nervousness or submissiveness. Also, check for dilated pupils to determine if someone is responding favorably toward you. Pupils dilate when cognitive effort increases, so if someone is focused on someone or something they like, their pupils will automatically dilate. Pupil dilation can be difficult to detect, but under the right conditions you should be able to spot it. A person’s blinking rate can also speak volumes about what is going on internally. Blinking rate increases when people are thinking more or are stressed. In some cases, increased blinking rate indicates lying – especially when accompanied by touching the face (particularly the mouth and eyes). Glancing at something can suggest a desire for that thing. For example, if someone glances at the door this may indicate a desire to leave. Glancing at a person can indicate a desire to talk to him or her (Fremont, 2018).
The most obvious form of body language observation is facial expression. Although people are more likely to control their facial expression, you can still pick up on important nonverbal cues if you pay close attention. Pay particular attention to the mouth when trying to decipher nonverbal behavior. A simple smile body language attraction technique can be a powerful gesture. Smiling is an important nonverbal cue to watch for. There are different types of smiles, including genuine smiles and fake smiles. A genuine smile engages the whole face, whereas a fake smile only uses the mouth. A genuine smile suggests that the person is happy and enjoying the company of the people around him or her. A fake smile, on the other hand, is meant to convey pleasure or approval but suggests that the smiler is actually feeling something else. A “half-smile” is another common facial behavior that only engages one side of the mouth and indicates sarcasm or uncertainty. You may also notice a slight grimace that lasts less than a second before someone smiles. This typically suggests that the person is hiding his or her dissatisfaction behind a fake smile. Tight, pursed lips also indicate displeasure, while a relaxed mouth indicates a relaxed attitude and positive mood. Covering the mouth or touching the lips with the hands or fingers when speaking may be an indicator of lying (Fremont, 2018).
There are three main emotions that make your eyebrows go up: surprise, worry, and fear. Try raising your eyebrows when you’re having a relaxed casual conversation with a friend. It’s hard to do, isn’t it? If somebody who is talking to you raises their eyebrows and the topic isn’t one that would logically cause surprise, worry, or fear, there is something else going on (Talent Smart, 2018).
References
Fremont College (2018). How to Read Body Language: Revealing the Secrets Behind Common Nonverbal Cues. Retrieved from https://fremont.edu/how-to-read-body-language-revealing-the-secrets-behind-common-nonverbal-cues/
SBL (2018). How to Read Body Language. Retrieved from http://www.study-body-language.com/how-to-read-body-language.html
Talent Smart (2018). 8 Great Tricks for Reading People’s Body Language. Retrieved from http://www.talentsmart.com/articles/8-Great-Tricks-For-Reading-People%E2%80%99s-Body-Language-2147446644-p-1.html
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