Silent Message
The problem with most people in the world is not about “what” but “how”. I mean, people what to do but they do not know how to always do it. This is also applicable to body language. There is no doubt about the fact that almost everyone knows that body language is used to convey messages but tell them to explain the processes to you and you will find them dumbfounded. In this article, I will give you a practical explanation of how body language is deployed to convey messages.
Body language cues—body movements and gestures, posture, eye contact, skin coloring, breathing, and even perspiration all add to the words that are spoken. They play huge role to ensure that meaning is not misinterpreted in a communicative context. The way a person talks, sits, and even stands has a lot of meaning. Body language can even accurately convey our thoughts more than the words we speak. When a listener is confronted with conflicting signals, it is quite often that they rely on the non-verbal cues because they are natural and spontaneous (Duron, 2013). Talking about how body language conveys messages, you must first trust your instincts—this is the take-off point. In most instances, it is very difficult to feign non-verbal communication. If you sense that your co-interlocutor is not being sincere in their verbal utterances, it is time you paid attention to their body language.
In order not to misjudge the person, you have to do a critical evaluation of the whole situation. Your instincts might not be right at all times. For a message to be properly conveyed through body language, it has to come in clusters. That is, there should be at least, three signs pointing to the direction of your suspicion. Until this is confirmed, nothing can be said to have taken place. More so, you can always approach the person and clear your doubts. If after addressing the issue, your suspicion remains, it means something is really wrong. Furthermore, look for inconsistencies. The body movement must be in consistent with whatever is being said. For instance, if a subject tells you that they are not afraid while their hands fidget, such an action is saying otherwise. Hence, body language has conveyed a message that the person is lying. Remember that observation is the key here. Instead of holding on to just a message, focus on the entire bodily actions of the subject in question. For example, when a subject avoids eye contact with you, the action alone is not enough to conclude that they are telling lies. It might be due to shyness or cultural differences. While Japanese forbids eye contact, especially from a subordinate to a senior colleague, Europeans encourage it. So, these are practical instances when messages conveyed by the body can be misinterpreted.
Silent Messages
At this point, let me make it very practical and charming with the story of Lauren and Gus. Lauren is a junior colleague to Gus and had sent a business proposal to her boss some weeks ago. A week ago, she was in a meeting with Gus where he seemed to be positive about the proposal through his verbal utterances. During the said positive moment, he had no much eye contact, and he was always looking at ‘something’ via the window. All that Lauren could interpret from all these is that he was busy. His exact words a week ago were: “the project will probably get the go-ahead.” However, here is a rejection email coming from the same person just seven days after. What might have gone wrong? Nothing spectacular went wrong only that Lauren had no idea about body language. If Lauren had known a little bit more about body language, she would have realized that Gus was trying to tell her that he was not “sold” on her idea. The words were just used ineffectually. That is how body language is used to convey messages to observant people. This means to know what body language is ‘saying’, you must be silent and attentive. Instead of being carried away with the rehearsed positive words meant to steal your attention, focus on their action and then compare it with their words.
There are many ways in which body language is used to convey messages that cannot be covered in this short article. For instance, an unhappy, disengaged and disinterested person will fold their arms in front of their body, turn their body away from you, eye downcast with little or no eye contact, and tense facial expression. This is a sign that the person is not at ease with you. Closely related to this is a bored person. When a person loses interest in what you are saying, they will bow their head with slumping sitting posture, gaze at something else or into space, doodle, and fidget. At this point, you will notice them objects or even their phones, clothes and every other thing within their reach.
Before I wrap up this article, let me categorically state that body language is not only used to convey negative attitudes; it can also be used in portraying positive attitudes. For instance, if you want to make a positive first impression, do not touch your face while you talk. The common perception among body language experts is that those who touch their face while speaking are dishonest. Although this is not always true but in order to be on the safe side, do not fiddle with your hair, touch your nose or mouth, most especially in situation where trust is the primary reason for holding the discussion. Another way positivity is conveyed through body language is maintenance of eye contact. Be natural as you hold the other person’s gaze for some few seconds. This is a sign of sincerity and engagement. When the eye contact becomes too much, it takes away its originality. Apart from eye contact, handshake is the second most pronounced body language gesture that you can use to portray a positive image of yourself. The handshake must be firm so that you do not look awkward to the other person.
References
Duron, M (2013). When Words and Body Language Convey Two Different Messages. Retrieved from http://www.personalbrandingblog.com/when-words-and-bnt-messages/ody-language-convey-two-differe
Mind Tools (2018). Body Language: Picking Up and Understanding Nonverbal Signals. Retrieved from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Body_Language.htm
Schloder, M (2018). What Does Your Body Language Convey To Others? Retrieved from https://coachingbest.com/what-does-your-body-language-convey-to-others/
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